My precious..bitterness

This here, if you don't already know is Gollum, from the book (picture taken from the movie) "The Lord of the Rings".
Gollum here, has fallen in love with the unyielding power of this ring, that has a shady history and evil past to it, and the ring must ultimately be destroyed or else the power of the ring will cause all sorts of doom and gloom to occur. The ring has such a strong and desirous power to it that it has caused wars and bloodshed and has turned this poor Gollum (once a nice little Hobbit) into this creature who is so obsessed with the ring, nothing else seems to matter.
This is what I believe bitterness looks like in our lives.
Look after each other so that none of you fails to receive the grace of God. Watch out that no poisonous root of bitterness grows up to trouble you, corrupting many. Hebrews 12:15

I've been that person. I've harbored some bitterness and let it take root in me and it's turned me into an absolutely awful person.
I know that you've met people like this in your life. You come across people who seem to irritate you for being kind, or happy or compassionate and you don't know why, they just refuse to like you and prefer to reject you at every turn.
Those are the people that are harboring their bitterness.
Those are the people who will have an answer for everything and don't want to hear you or anything you have to say. They even look like they have eaten a piece of bitter fruit when they hear you.
These people are hard, hard to love and hard to be around.
If you are a Jesus follower (I don't care about your religion..either you follow him the way he taught you, or you don't) I have a classification for two types of people:
1.) you can't talk to God about your anger and don't want to blame him so you blame everyone else that has a better life than you.

Hurt people who Hurt people.

2.) you can talk to God about your disappointment towards him and how your life has turned out and let him walk you through it, and refuse to put the blame on those around you.

Hurt people who help people.

These are the two types of people in the church I encounter.
The first is our bitter friend. This was me walking through times in my life when I just couldn't understand why my life was not the way I thought it should be. When I looked around and saw people who were happy and joyous and they seemed to have never gone through hard times (or so I thought) and just..what do they know about pain?!
And, I held onto it like Gollum here. I protected it from scrutiny, from anyone who tried to tell me about it, from anyone who tried to help me..and it  became a "..no..it's miiinnnnne..!" and I owned it.
The truth was..it was owning me..and changing me into someone I didn't want to be.
Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Ephesians 4:31
I was living under the assumption that life's circumstances make us who we are..and we can't change. But that is false. We choose our path by changing it or staying the same. In holding onto anger, we choose to stay the same.
Think about how many full grown adults you have met that are still acting like they are mentally 17?
And here's the kicker...we're reteaching the bitterness that we hold onto..we'll be someone else's source of rejection because of our bitterness...unless we choose to get off the cycle.
The saddest part, in my opinion, is how awful we are to ourselves.  We are so quick to bully ourselves for not being perfect..it should break your heart when you see it and do it. Watch your kid do it to themselves, and then you'll know that our God in heaven is looking down on us with compassion and grace and asking you to reshape the way you are thinking.
 Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. Romans 12:2
Then life gets humbling when you meet the other type of person.
The one that was handed painful circumstances and chose not to be bitter and actually loved the people around them more...and then amazingly..by the grace of God, turn and help others who are hurting around them.
This person humbles my heart..deep into my bones.
These are the people who have lost a husband or a child..or have gone through some painful event or season in their lives.
And crazily..they even stop to praise God and find a tiny amount of joy in their seriously hard and painful circumstances.
And we look down and realize all the garbage we are holding on to...and now we have to either keep it or get rid or it.
Counseling can help. Mentoring can help. There are people who have gone to school to help others out. Look for those types of people
This process leads to a better way of living. A healthier way of having relationships with others..and really a more honest relationship with God.
I would much rather Go to my Father and tell him I'm angry with him..and add.."although, I know I'm probably wrong!"..than take it out on my family, when it's not them that I'm mad at.
He's a God with a big heart and broad shoulders, and he understands that there are times in our lives that are extremely painful, and we walk through asking for healing and we get suffering and death and all the things we don't think we deserve or even begin to understand. We didn't ask for this!
Jesus prayed that, too.
"Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done."
And he humbly went to the cross anyways.
That's what the other person is showing us.
You can chose not to do it with bitterness.
If I could sit with you and tell you that you deserve dignity, hope and joy in your future. And that all your painful relationships aren't unnoticed by our Father in heaven, who sees every tear and is waiting to hear you talk to him about your pain and anger.
You can have a relationship with Christ, a real one, that is not affiliated with a religion..but founded on a personal and real conversation with him if you want. And when you start to feel the anger burn and betray you to others..you have HIM to go to for forgiveness.
I used to think I was an awful person but I found out I was just human..trying to deal with life's bitterness by myself..until I started to feel like I was drowning in my own shame. But, when I chose to deal with my anger with God, I could allow myself a little grace..and feel his love and compassion..not condemnation. I didn't have to be consumed by shame!
Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed,
    for his compassions never fail.
23 They are new every morning;
    great is your faithfulness. 
Lamentations 3:22-23
Because if he is merciful to me..and it's new every.single.morning..I can be merciful to myself, too.
Happy Friday and I hope this brings a fresh revelation to your soul. Be encouraged today..!!