A "Little Miss Sunshine" I am not..
A conversation today lead me to the understanding that on the outside I may give the impression that I am a bit prim and proper and that I have got it together. (This was a good conversation..b.t.w...it was just a bit revealing..!)
And I'm all.."What you talkin' bout Willis?"
Yeah..um..I'm holding back all of my laughter at the moment.
On a deeper level..maybe I'm holding back a little pain.
Would you believe it hits me deep to be pushed into a place of "Little Miss Sunshine"?
Not that there is anything wrong with an insane amount of happiness in this old world..it's needed in everyone's lives.
Especially mine!!
To tell the truth, I think its what I've grown into.
Or by the grace of God..what I've been transformed into.
Its been a process that has taken me 36 years and might I add that there is still more improvement to be made on my part.
Its like I'm a tightly wrapped flower and I have been painfully and slowly shoving myself into a full bloom.
It never fails, when I get those Facebook posts from my childhood friends that say, "you never forget the neighborhood friends you grow up with", I'm always, always, always reminded of where I'm from.
In fact, there is not a day that goes by that I don't remember where I'm from.
Let me give you a few highlights..
I grew up with a large amount of siblings in a small house in the middle of a poor neighborhood. (In the ghetto..it was the middle of a ghetto!)
Head lice became a normal and ordinary part of my elementary years.
Cursing was part of my vocabulary since I was old enough to talk.
I didn't have birthdays, much less birthday parties!
I own maybe two pictures of me as a baby/child. (That could be why I have an obsession with our family photos!!) :)
Christmas was for kids whose parents actually showed they loved them...by buying them lots of stuff..so..no..it didn't happen for me...! (I have no idea how these people could afford it, though..?!)
Some of my childhood friends parents didn't want them hanging out with me..nope..I was a bad influence..and they could probably catch head-lice..but I said that already!!
I went to a funeral wearing K-swiss and dickies..and poured out alcohol to honor the memory of a dear friend. (Can you get more ghetto?)
(On that note, I'll say that I've had some good friends growing up. I've had friends pay my way into the skating rink because I couldn't afford it, who loved me anyways..and gosh..I wish upon wish I could be that excited to call people and talk to them on the phone like I did when I was a child!)
But yeah..this is a tiny and slightly nicer version..but there..I put it out there for you..!
And folks..this is just my childhood..my adult life..well, I suppose this is why I blog..just an opportunity to connect my inner crazy to the outside world..!
Now that I think about it, you should probably find yourself some friends who have it more together..is all I'm sayin'..!
:)
All funnies aside, I guess this part of my life is relevant because I'm all about searching for that "wholeheartedness" author Brene Brown keeps talking about. And not to mention, this is part of me that makes me..well..me!!
So..a "Little Miss Sunshine" I am not..but maybe..just maybe..I can be known as "redeemed" and "forgiven"..from all the ridiculousness of childhood and adulthood.
And if maybe you called me something worse..well..I'll take the sunshine girl..yeah..the lesser of the two evils work for me..lol!!
:)
(And if you are reading this and you already know that I'm a super-duper weirdo..more power to you..oh and you are probably awesome..!!)
And I'm all.."What you talkin' bout Willis?"
Yeah..um..I'm holding back all of my laughter at the moment.
On a deeper level..maybe I'm holding back a little pain.
Would you believe it hits me deep to be pushed into a place of "Little Miss Sunshine"?
Not that there is anything wrong with an insane amount of happiness in this old world..it's needed in everyone's lives.
Especially mine!!
To tell the truth, I think its what I've grown into.
Or by the grace of God..what I've been transformed into.
Its been a process that has taken me 36 years and might I add that there is still more improvement to be made on my part.
Its like I'm a tightly wrapped flower and I have been painfully and slowly shoving myself into a full bloom.
It never fails, when I get those Facebook posts from my childhood friends that say, "you never forget the neighborhood friends you grow up with", I'm always, always, always reminded of where I'm from.
In fact, there is not a day that goes by that I don't remember where I'm from.
Let me give you a few highlights..
I grew up with a large amount of siblings in a small house in the middle of a poor neighborhood. (In the ghetto..it was the middle of a ghetto!)
Head lice became a normal and ordinary part of my elementary years.
Cursing was part of my vocabulary since I was old enough to talk.
I didn't have birthdays, much less birthday parties!
I own maybe two pictures of me as a baby/child. (That could be why I have an obsession with our family photos!!) :)
Christmas was for kids whose parents actually showed they loved them...by buying them lots of stuff..so..no..it didn't happen for me...! (I have no idea how these people could afford it, though..?!)
Some of my childhood friends parents didn't want them hanging out with me..nope..I was a bad influence..and they could probably catch head-lice..but I said that already!!
I went to a funeral wearing K-swiss and dickies..and poured out alcohol to honor the memory of a dear friend. (Can you get more ghetto?)
(On that note, I'll say that I've had some good friends growing up. I've had friends pay my way into the skating rink because I couldn't afford it, who loved me anyways..and gosh..I wish upon wish I could be that excited to call people and talk to them on the phone like I did when I was a child!)
But yeah..this is a tiny and slightly nicer version..but there..I put it out there for you..!
And folks..this is just my childhood..my adult life..well, I suppose this is why I blog..just an opportunity to connect my inner crazy to the outside world..!
Now that I think about it, you should probably find yourself some friends who have it more together..is all I'm sayin'..!
:)
All funnies aside, I guess this part of my life is relevant because I'm all about searching for that "wholeheartedness" author Brene Brown keeps talking about. And not to mention, this is part of me that makes me..well..me!!
So..a "Little Miss Sunshine" I am not..but maybe..just maybe..I can be known as "redeemed" and "forgiven"..from all the ridiculousness of childhood and adulthood.
And if maybe you called me something worse..well..I'll take the sunshine girl..yeah..the lesser of the two evils work for me..lol!!
:)
(And if you are reading this and you already know that I'm a super-duper weirdo..more power to you..oh and you are probably awesome..!!)
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