But, I've always wondered about what we really know about Love.
What is it that causes our hearts to melt at certain things in one second and harden our hearts almost in the following second?
And just how does God love me..how come I don't always feel it?
And then..how can I, mere human, Laura..love God..when I can't even begin to acknowledge how much he loves me?
So, here are my thoughts..
Do you know that there is a difference in knowing about Jesus and having a relationship with him?
Most of us Western cultured people can get pretty snoody about Christianity. We assume people know all about Jesus, redemption, grace and holiness. When in fact, all of those words can be very confusing and off-putting for someone who is not sure about what all this is about..or is struggling.
Most often, people tend to walk away because they are trying to follow, but then there's the "christian people" right? I mean, why can we all just live by example..right?
Here's the thing... and I know you already know...life is hard on everyone. We all seem to struggle with something..but, rarely do we see what others struggle with as personal because we don't have that exact problem.
(humor me here..I have a point to make..!)
I don't have an issue with alcoholism, nor do I understand what it's like to have feelings for another woman..so, great..I'm not an alcoholic or gay..but, that's a struggle for some..and they need a person to sit with them and hear their heart, regardless of what they chose to do. Lately, I've come more and more to believe that we are all worthy of being heard and understood..more than anything else in the world. I've harbored some bitterness and anger over things in my life and doubted God's goodness over and over. Needless to say, it's caused a great deal of anguish in my soul.
Add two kids and a husband..and a cat-like dog..and I have hot mess written all over my face..!
If I could give you a visual of what church actually looks like, when you remove all the masks of people and look at their souls, you'd see everyone wearing rags..but somehow have been given an royal robe to be covered with..and a crown. And some of us have different perceptions of how we actually got the robe and crown. Some of us pretend we earned the robe by good deeds and generosity and wear it proudly, while some have a hard time keeping it on when we leave church..because we feel unworthy and it just feels strange, and yet others just can't let the thing touch them it scares them so much.
The point is, is that we are all still wearing a whole bunch of rags underneath. We all needed someone or something to cover us.
Grace.
Rewind this back a bit to love.
You don't sacrifice something for nothing.
Who gives this kind of grace without first loving our stinking guts?!
For reference, start with the story of Adam and Eve..even if you don't believe the story, the first thing that happened when they ate the apple, they hid and felt shame. God immediately found them clothes.
And the LORD God made garments of skin for Adam and his wife and clothed them. -Genesis 3:21
An animal had to be sacrificed to do that.
To cover our shame, something had to die.
This is wear the parallels to Jesus dying on a cross start.
Flip over just a few pages to find Abraham, and the story of how God tells him to sacrificing his son, Isaac. Yet, he is stopped and guess what has to be sacrificed instead..
13 Abraham looked up and there in a thicket he saw a ram[a] caught by its horns.He went over and took the ram and sacrificed it as a burnt offering instead of his son. -Genesis 22:13
Then..here comes Moses..and what we know as "Passover".
7 Then they are to take some of the blood and put it on the sides and tops of the doorframes of the houses where they eat the lambs. -Exodus 12:7
All of these things are to parallel you to the life of Jesus. Something that I think worth catching is that this was all introduced into the first two books of the Bible.
In other words, He loved us so much..he pointed to Jesus the instant we couldn't cover ourselves.
Which brings me back to the question of how do I love God? How do I love God with all my heart..when his love to me is unmatchable..undeserved if I'm honest..and when my soul wanders through the mess of life?
Grace is what fills the gaps for us.
It's impossible to return God's love, but he knows that.
It's a crushing love. It will blind you when you start to realize that..
...while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. -Romans 5:8
This is why people in the church get it wrong. Some may not have felt the full impact of HIS love. Because once you do, you change. Something in you breaks for other people..when they are hurting..and you start to care more than you thought you could. Although, it's a messy kind of love. Sloppy..vulnerable..but more raw and real than anything you'll ever know. Oh..and um...the thing is, it can be quite slow. It doesn't happen overnight...unfortunately.
And sometimes, you may not always feel that weighted love..sometimes you'll feel far, far, away..and your soul will be on fire. But it's still there. It's never left you..that's where faith will grow.
38 For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,[a]neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39 neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. -Romans 8:38-39
No one can love you like that..and no one else has ever offered, either. The type of love that never changes..regardless of the times I mess up and regardless of what I think of myself at times. But, I can't just tell you about it. You have to know your worth. You have to know that there's two stories competing for our lives. A story we write for ourselves that will never fully feel right, even when we try to force it and manipulate it into place. I know full well that it never works..even though, from experience I've tried with all my heart to force that square in a round spot..only to find out it caused me more time and energy..with little to no gain whatsoever! Then there's the unwritten story..the story that starts fresh when we let God write it for us. It's a scary kind of faith..I know..but, you don't have to believe the whole bible to feel it. You don't have to agree with or understand it either..just take a look at what Jesus died for.
Also, take a look at how he died. His death was not just a simple crucifixion. The Romans perfected it in brutality, but they also made a point to make him suffer the shame that goes with it. It was put eye-level..where people could walk up and spit on you and shame you to your face. Everything about his death was perfected to de-humanize a person to their very core.
Did we deserve that kind of love?
I don't feel that I do. However, some parts of me wants to try. I want to love people with the same kind of love. The type of love that doesn't require a return.
I might take me to be an old lady..or death before I can get that down, though...especially since I love wildly, passionately, and recklessly..that scares the masses at times. But here's the take home..you are loved..even if no one has ever made you feel it. It's there..reach out and grab onto it...run with it..never let it go!
Happy Valentine's! XOXO
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