When Family mishandles us..

I don't know what kind of family you hail from..whether it's a loving family or if your like Scott and I and your immediate family is not available and our church family is our closest bond.
In both sets of families, though, they are fully capable of mishandling us.
I say this because I've had scars from both sets..and it's quite painful.
One of the questions I get from my atheists friends (and I have a few!) is "Why do christians treat each other that way?".
Don't you wonder the same?
It's even worse when your immediate families are christian and treat you that way..can you say "ouch".
People notice how you treat your family. People notice how I parent my kids and love my husband and people will see how well their families come in and love on you as well.
We can't act like everyone else and get the same results, though. No, we have to do something different if you believe in Jesus..because if we don't..no one will believe we actually believe in Jesus.
Lest you think I'm perfect..I'm guilty of mishandling people, too...as much as it pains me..I try my dearest not to..yet, it happens even when I'm trying my absolute best.
I've started myself on a humility diet. It sucks to eat crow..but, it can save you and your relationships from imploding and exploding.
Just being humble.  Trying to see the pain through someone else's eyes..and taking their perspective. And thinking about what you want your future to look like with these people. Then start by asking yourselves what kind of relationship makes you most happy?
Do you love being around people that see you, know you, and accept you..?
Then I ask the question, "Am I the type of person that sees people, knows them and accepts them?"
It's a good start.
I didn't say be a doormat, though. Being a doormat requires you to accept everything and not say anything. No..don't do it. I've watched people do that and it's just as damaging to watch as it is to be a doormat. It can make a grown woman not like other women who have emotions because she thinks emotions are weak. And I've encountered these type of women. By default they put themselves above you because they seem more logical..but there's a flaw in that logic..if you are only being led by fear.
If we're honest, though..seeing people and accepting them means you stop trying to change them. Seeing people means you stop focusing on their flaws because it makes you feel better about yourself. And believe it or not, Scott and I don't try to hide our flaws anymore..we are being more vulnerable..and we are seeing families surround us, pray for us and encourage us because of it.
Perhaps this is what it means to deny ourselves..just a little bit of our pride..

“Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. Matthew 16:24

Whenever I see a family that is just amazing in how they interact with each other, I think, hey..maybe we should pick up some of their habits...and it's absolutely the best thing I've ever done.
Scott and I are not from families that have given us the best life examples on behavior, so we have started a desperate search of mentors to help us.
We aren't even ashamed of our desperation..we just want our kids to make it.
Even if it means we desperately cling to Jesus' cloak in search for answers with tears streaming down our face and we look like fools..we don't care.
We'll do what we need to do to help them through this season of life.
But it comes at a cost of humility.
Funny thing is, if you look at facts, in any given circumstance where people mishandle us, if we approach it with humility, you have a better chance of handling it than when our pride takes over.
Our pride, however, is set as a default..so, it will be first in everything we do, if we don't teach ourselves new ways to respond.
All in all, family can hurt but, we don't have to be part of that cycle anymore. We don't have to respond with repaying hurt for hurt. We can rise above our circumstances and choose to forgive..and we can teach ourselves a new way to handle life.
You must remember that when two people argue, and a neutral bystander comes to see what's going on..you both will look like idiots..no matter who is right or wrong. Truthfully, there are times when you are 100% right..but handle it 100% wrong.
Which then, makes you wrong.
And it's a cycle thats not worth getting on.
I should know..after all..doing it wrong so long...but, hey..baby steps..!
Just be encouraged that just because your immediate family doesn't come into your life with encouragement and love, you can put out a search for it.
You can pray that people will surround you and help you through this when our immediate relations come in, and even with the best intentions, hurt us like nobody else.
And we can heal from these wounds.
We just have to stop wounding other people because we've been hurt.
And, look..if you need a partner to do it with..you know I'm here!!
Happy Monday...!
;)