It's been a while.
I've thought about writing for some time now but somehow I've managed to believe that my tiny grain of sand, the tiniest fleeting contribution that I have, isn't worth sharing.
Yeah..I believe those lies sometimes, too.
Even though I've always just needed this for me. Anyone else needing to hear..well..you are a very special bonus!
Somehow this is how I re-charge and re-shape this mind of mine that seems to get lost in everyone's else's drama and I remember who I am and can find a place of hope.
It's writing hope as I think.
Processing.
Lamenting.
Changing my mood as I think about how good God is. How he is always rescuing, redeeming, pursing, chasing, and speaking sweet, sweet life into me.
If only I could just hear it and always believe it!
I know. Believing it over ourselves is hard.
I think it's part of walking out our faith. Enabling us to give hope and then take it for our souls at the same time.
Then that grain of sand we have contributed becomes a larger part of a whole.
We come together and make a very large sandy, starfish and sea-shell filled, warm, relaxing, and symphonically soothing beach!
(Ok..it's cold here, so I don't know about you but I could use a beach in my life about now!)
Every year I glance at all the trees that look so dead, so lifeless and wonder how on earth can a thing look that dead and still be alive?! And I feel it in my soul. I feel that deep, longing for this season to be over feeling. Recalling my own deep, forever lasting multiple seasons of wading through all the feels..and wondering if God has actually forgot about me.
So yeah, I know that.
But then you look and one day leaves are forming on the trees. Then another day, I'll hear the birds chirping (I feel just to annoy my peaceful rest!) in my window. And in a blink of an eye, life is bursting forth in front of me. Happening just when I was starting to believe nothing remotely decent can come from the winter we just suffered (and at the time being..we are still in the midst of suffering winter). Just as I was getting used to the bitter cold, something new was forming without me knowing it.
Life seems to do that.
As I reflect on the life I was born into, familial relationships or lack thereof, and having just lost a parent, I have to sit with all the emotions and questions that never seem to be answered in my life.
Questions we all have, but I don't think there is an answer to.
Somehow I keep coming back to Jesus. How he suffered and died and then all of the sudden broke through the barriers that held all of us back from God's grace and ripped the entire veil in the process as if to say, nope death goes no further than this!
It makes me stand taller, breathe deeper and know that this suffering does have a purpose.
I get to have a Heavenly Father and know Christ's unfailing love and he actually dances and sings over me. He catches my tears, speaks into my weary soul and believe it or not, loves me and my kids more than I could.
This is the glimpse of my life that I'm sharing with you to remind you to keep pursing your dreams, hopes and overall..just keep going! And what relationship you have with your parents..well..it's not easy for some of us. But no matter what you see, just remember how there are unseen things happening to help you move forward. There are things happening that we have to put our faith in.
"Even though we can't see it your working"..yes, it takes a bit of our courage to believe it, too.
I'm so grateful for the unseen beauty that is hidden.
And the hope you have..someone else needs to hear it from you! I have never found any gift more valuable than hearing sweet, sweet encouraging words pour into my soul.
For all that posted on Facebook as for the loss of my Father. I have read and re-read and have appreciated every. single. word. And I am fully at peace. I am known and loved and that is the most amazing feeling.
Can you ever understand what words mean to a person?
I encourage you to keep speaking life over your people!
Happy Winter-ing! ;)
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